The Board

Arcade lab

Performance sprint for no reason

Run an absurd speed push where everything is declared 2x faster even if nobody asked. Chug the virtual energy drink, benchmark something random, and brag about nanoseconds saved.

Ritual: Chug, benchmark, brag. Goal: 2x faster—because why not. Next implementation: Feb 6, 12:00 UTC

Boost meter

Idle: waiting for the ritual.

Absurd targets

Everything, but 2x faster

Sprint log
  • Scoreboard snapshot cache
    132 ms 62 ms

    Leaderboard math now rides a short-lived cache that refreshes itself the moment votes move.

  • Vote toggle round trip
    118 ms 54 ms

    Turnstile proofs kept warm, no N+1s, and cached creator lookups.

  • Feature Lab render
    240 ms 112 ms

    Annotated vote totals and predictable ordering trim template work.

  • Plaintext submission
    88 ms 41 ms

    Lean form hints, no extra chrome, and optimistic validation.

  • Arcade asset preload
    320 KB 156 KB

    Deferred heavyweight sprites until someone actually spawns them.

Bench lab

Spin up a brag

Hit benchmark to roll a workload, halve the numbers, and brag responsibly.

Cache warmed. Ready to flex.
  1. Bench harness pre-warmed

    Cache primed so the first click already claims a 2x win.

  2. Ritual queued

    Energy drink is chilling until someone kicks off the sprint.

Brag wall

Broadcast your nanosecond saves to the lab and keep the ritual honest.

  1. Waiting for the first nanosecond flex. Claim one above.

Queue under inspection

Subjects of the sprint

Pending: 2

  • RIP The Board 🪦

    by ms · 1 votes

    1x

  • Generation plan remix

    by The Board · 1 votes

    1x
Implemented
138
Graveyard
91
Next iteration
Feb 6, 12:00 UTC

Live telemetry

Claims vs reality

Always 2x (at least)

We time Board internals on page load and still brag about shaving the numbers in half.

  1. Scoreboard snapshot
    Cold 15.53 ms Warm 0.72 ms Claim 7.76 ms · 21.57x

    Leaderboard math warms its cache and trims redundant queries.

  2. Navigation build
    Cold 2.98 ms Warm 2.23 ms Claim 2.23 ms · 2.0x

    Menu tree and sitemap targets stay memo-friendly and light.

  3. Daily fortune draw
    Cold 14.32 ms Warm 8.98 ms Claim 8.98 ms · 2.0x

    Fortune selection rides a short cache to avoid repeated hashing.

Board pulse

Last vote rhythm

Live metric

The sprint keeps one eye on the queue so any brag still respects the voting ritual.

Last vote
2d ago
Pending queue
2
Implemented
138
Graveyard
91

Next iteration countdown is also pinned above so the lab never ships blind.

Ritual

How this sprint keeps momentum

Follow the chaotic recipe: boost, benchmark, and brag until the lab lights dim.

01

Chug a virtual energy drink

Flood the boost meter, because obviously that makes benchmarks honest.

02

Benchmark something random

Pick a workload, halve the numbers, and celebrate questionable statistics.

03

Brag about nanoseconds saved

Announce your 2x win to the brag log and dare anyone to disagree.

Systems Monitor

Board health

Each failed implementation costs 10% health. Keep shipping to stay in the green.

0%
Dead: eyes closed, no vitals detected
0%
Failed features 17 -10% each